


Did It Hurt When You Fell From Heaven?

by Puffinpastry



Category: Dragon Quest XI
Genre: Angst, Dragon Quest XI Act III Spoilers, Happy Ending, Healing, How many times did these boys fall off cliffs?, Hurt/Comfort, Injury Recovery, M/M, Major Character Injury, Near Death Experiences, Out of Body Experiences, Pre-Relationship, Temporary Character Death, and yet here I am making them do it again
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-09
Updated: 2020-11-28
Packaged: 2021-03-01 21:34:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 5
Words: 16,132
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23553862
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Puffinpastry/pseuds/Puffinpastry
Summary: When it’s a choice between his own life, and the Luminary’s, Erik would always make the same choice.No matter how how much it hurt.
Relationships: Camus | Erik/Hero | Luminary (Dragon Quest XI)
Comments: 45
Kudos: 85





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hi yes Puff is back again to hurt the boys.
> 
> This chapter is mainly just hurt.  
> Comfort to come later.
> 
> Also this was going to be a one shot what happened?

Just how many times in his life had Erik found himself dangling over the edge of a cliff, now?

Well. It didn’t matter.

He didn’t have time to count, and this would likely be the last time, anyway.

The hand that held tight to Erik’s wrist shook with the exertion of holding his entire weight, less-than-considerable or not… It was more than anyone could hold on to for very long.

Not like this.

It was all Erik’s own fault.

He’d just wanted one simple walk. One simple hour or so to enjoy some peace, to enjoy Eleven’s company in a way he hadn’t been able to since finding the twins in Hotto. It hadn’t been too much to ask for, had it?

How was he supposed to know there’d be such a horrible monster just waiting for them?

Eleven was grinding his teeth so hard one of them had to have cracked by now.

A small bit from the ledge they both hung on to broke apart and clattered down the side of the cliff, falling down into the oblivion below.

Erik was too far below the drop to try to scale back up. No handholds. No way to reach the stone.

He really was relying only on Eleven’s strength to stay where he was, and that was beginning to falter.

Eleven was still injured from the fight, having had no time to heal or so much as  _ think _ before Erik had fallen.

He hadn’t meant to be so careless.

But he had thought the danger was gone. Didn’t think there would be more from the blood-slick rock and his own exhausted limbs. 

El had seen it, though. He was ready. Catching him just before he could fall too far.

But before long, his energy would run out.

And at this rate, from the way they were both slipping steadily lower, El’s hands growing bloody from the grit, when he finally had no choice but to let go, Erik wouldn’t be the only one falling to his death.

Eleven’s arm began to shake with the exertion.

Exhausted tears pricked in the corners of his eyes.

He knew this was a futile effort, and yet he was still trying.

Erik wasn’t holding on any longer.

He knew a hopeless case when he saw one, but it wasn’t too late for them both. If Eleven had any chance of getting out of this, then he needed to let go, too.

But how was Erik supposed to tell him that?

“Eleven,” the fear of the fall nearly rendered him silent, “let go.” But he hadn’t any option. He knew that Eleven wouldn’t ever give up on his own.

A single tear fell from Eleven’s eye to land on Erik’s cheek. 

He only shook his head.

He wouldn’t give up. Even when he knew better. He’d always been that way.

Always would be.

The hand that hung at Erik’s side still had his knife in its grip.

It was a lovely knife.

So carefully crafted, beautifully made. Hours spent perfecting the blade, crafting the handle until it wouldn’t fit any grip other than Erik’s.

It was areal tragedy that it would likely be lost to the fall.

Eleven still held tight.

Erik steeled himself.

This was the only way to keep Eleven safe.

No one would be coming for them.

Not so soon after they’d left. Not when this place was supposed to be safe.

This was his one shot, and he wasn’t going to miss it.

“Eleven…” Erik was going to say something. Anything. But nothing fit.

He wasn’t one for grand speeches, or tearful goodbyes.

Eleven knew that.

He’d understand.

And what was a goodbye worth, anyway?

Though… Quite a lot, actually. He knew there were more than a handful of people he wished he could have had proper farewells with.

But it was so hard to say. Instead, he made a promise. This wouldn’t be the last time he saw the Luminary. Whatever came next… He was sure he’d find him again. “See you on the other side.”

Erik brought up his knife, and lodged it firmly into the back of the hand that held him aloft.

Erik knew full well what that felt like. And as sorry as he was to cause El any kind of pain at all… He knew there wasn’t any other choice.

It was only reflex that made El let go, even then.

Erik didn’t scream. Even as he wanted to. As he wanted to yell and thrash and fight for his life, he didn’t make a sound as he felt the weightlessness take him, a deceptive feeling as he hurtled towards the ground.

Eleven didn’t need to hear that. 

Erik knew what it was like to have his nightmares haunted by a final scream, a call for help.

Eleven didn’t deserve that burden.

But Eleven’s furious cry that fell alongside him would’ve stayed with Erik, had he any reason to believe it would have the chance.

A moment of time passed that lasted mere seconds, but felt like hours.

Erik didn’t feel the impact on the stone below.

He felt only the air that left him, heard his own desperate fish-like gasp for oxygen, but didn’t feel his lungs refill.

He hadn’ expected to live through the impact.

He thought it would’ve been fast.

Instantaneous.

But at the very least, it was painless.

Though he knew his bones must’ve broken, that his chest should be burning from the lack of air…

He felt nothing at all.

But he’d done what he intended. There were worse ways to die, Erik decided as a fuzziness grew in the edges of his vision. This wasn’t a bad death. Better than the many ways he could’ve gone, even if it wouldn’t have been his first choice, had there ever been the option to really choose how he finally went out. 

But… He supposed he had chosen this. And with that choice he’d protected the Luminary, repaid a debt… And while he would never regret it...

Erik didn’t want to close his eyes.

He didn’t want to go to the dark, the cold.

But an ice like feeling was creeping into his fingers.

Erik trusted Eleven to finish what he’d helped him start.

Even if he couldn’t stay at his side, Erik knew he’d do alright.

He had faith, even in the end.

Erik had done what he needed to do.

The chill spread, and Erik didn’t breathe again.

Darkness didn’t come. There was no bright light for him to follow, no goddess or angel to come and take him back to the branches of Yggdrasil.

Instead, Erik was looking down at himself, at his own broken body, his own pooling blood, from a bird’s eye view.

Was this death?

Erik couldn’t move. He couldn’t speak or breathe. Had no tangible body, or intangible for that matter, to do any of that with.

The bottom of the cliff face was dense with trees and underbrush.

Hopefully Eleven wouldn’t find him. Or what was left of him.

Erik knew grief well. 

Sometimes there being a body left to bury made it harder. Eleven didn’t need to see this, the fragile sod.

Hopefully he went back to camp for help before he rushed back here.

Hendrick, or Sylvando. They could take care of this for Eleven. Shield him from Erik’s gruesome end.

Erik should’ve closed his eyes when he had the ability to. He was still staring up at the sky. A single trickle of blood ran from the corner of his mouth. He must’ve bitten his tongue on the way down.

Time felt like it moved differently. Maybe it wasn’t moving at all.

“Erik!”

The cry of his name split through the peaceful forest.

Erik wanted to call back. Wanted to be able to give Eleven the answer he wanted.

“Erik!” Eleven sounded desperate, filled with a naïve hope that somehow Erik had survived his fall.

The brush was moving nearby. 

Eleven was close.

Erik didn’t need to see this.

Knowing that his friend would be in pain, knowing that he would grieve for him was one thing.

But having to watch?

He wasn’t prepared.

“Erik-“ Eleven’s voice strained as he was found. “No-  _ no,  _ you can’t do this-“ He wasted no time falling to his knees, two fingers coming to press against the pulse point of Erik’s throat, searching for any sign of life.

He found none.

Erik wasn’t breathing.

His heart wasn’t beating.

Dead as a doornail.

_ I’m gone.  _ Erik wanted to tell him.  _ But it’s okay. It’s all okay because you're safe.  _

Eleven’s hands glowed as he cast zing. “You promised- you promised you’d be here for me!”

Nothing happened.

Erik wanted to curse at the foolish man, how he still had mana left to spare after that fight was a mystery to Erik, and yet here he was wasting it on a corpse instead of the wound on his back the monster had left him, or the cut on his hand. The last thing that  _ Erik _ had left him.

Another zing. 

Still nothing. “I  _ fixed  _ everything!” Eleven’s voice bordered on hysteria, pitch rising with his panic. “I fixed everything. You can’t…”

Eleven stopped. His hands bunching in the dusty and stained fabric of Erik’s tunic. His shoulders shook. _ “You can’t.” _ His voice was low. Nearly a whisper.

Eleven was exhausted.

Erik didn’t recall promising Eleven any of these things. He didn’t know what it was that he supposedly fixed that would prevent Erik from _ dying. _

Everyone died eventually.

Even the Luminary couldn’t stop that.

Erik could almost regret his action.  _ Almost.  _

Eleven’s hands began to glow again, one last time, one final chance at reviving Erik.

And this time-

It worked.

Suddenly Erik was no longer in the sky.

He was coughing, blood flying from his lips, his back arching away from the ground beneath him.

It hurt. By the goddess it hurt.

Everything felt bruised.

The world was tinged gray.

“Erik,” Eleven placed an arm under Erik’s shoulders and under his knees, “thank the goddess,  _ Erik.” _

His touch was like fire, pressing too hard against what was bruised, what was broken.

The sound around him cut out, everything going silent as Erik grit his teeth, and screamed.

Letting out the death howl he hadn’t allowed himself before.

Again, Erik’s vision went fuzzy, and this time, the darkness came.

~~

When Erik woke again, he was warm.

A dull pain thudded in his limbs, and the light hurt as he opened his eyes, but he was  _ alive. _

Eleven had done it. He’d actually done it.

Erik tried to move, and winced as his - well,  _ everything  _ protested.

Erik didn’t recognize the room he was in.

Not that that was an unusual occurrence, with their little group hardly ever sleeping in the same place twice in a row.

But he did recognize the man who’d fallen asleep in the chair at his side.

Erik knew better than to doubt his Luminary, but this was huge. Even for Eleven.

Zing wasn’t all-powerful.

Even the most powerful mages couldn’t revive someone as far gone as Erik had been.

It was good for simple wounds. Things that could’ve been healed with time, if only they had the chance.

Not… Not for multiple compound fractures or internal bleeding or head trauma or  _ whatever  _ it was that took Erik first.

But then again... Eleven was not just any mage.

Goddess, Erik was tired.

Who’d have thought that dying would really take it outta you?

Erik tried to take a deep breath, but just ended up coughing, his ribs stinging from the force.

Stars danced in his eyes, and by the time Erik was able to take in a decent breath again, he realized that Eleven was awake, supporting him as he sat up, and wiping away the spit that had speckled on his chin.

Eleven was looking at him like he would shatter with the wrong move.

Hell, maybe he would.

“What do you need?” Eleven asked softly.

Erik’s lips felt chapped, his mouth dry. “Water?” His voice cracked.

There was a pitcher on the table, and in moments, Eleven was holding a glass to his lips.

Erik nearly complained.

Nearly decided to act like a brat and tell Eleven that he could hold a glass of water on his own.

But... Whatever.

If this is what Eleven needed to do to feel better, then so be it.

The water burned his throat, stinging as if it was raw.

Eleven took the glass away far too soon.

“Wait-“ Erik started to protest.

“You can have more later, if you can keep that down.” Eleven was ever so gently laying Erik back down on the pillow. “You’ve been out for days.”

Even those few sips helped so much. Really, how bad was it? “Come on, it’s just water.” The words sounded distorted to his own ears. “It’s not going to hurt me.”

Wrong thing to say. Eleven’s face contorted into an emotion Erik didn’t have a word to describe.

Not quite anger.

Not quite as if he was going to cry.

His hands held tightly to the glass.

“You were  _ dead,  _ Erik.”

“And you brought me back.” Ever so slowly, he was starting to feel normal again. “Which, by the way, was amazing. Who knew you had it in you?”

Eleven wasn’t listening. Wasn’t looking at him.

“Never,  _ never _ do that again.” Eleven commanded, using a tone Erik couldn’t recall ever hearing from him before. “Never assume you have to- never decide that there’s no way out. I’ll find a way. I’ll make one if I have to.”

“Eleven-“

“No.” Eleven croaked, “You don’t get to lecture me. You were  _ gone _ . I had to- I found your body. Just- I don’t… I brought you back but it took  _ everything  _ I had. I couldn’t heal you any more than what zing did. You were still dying when I brought you back. If I hadn’t found Serena…” He trailed off, swallowing against the panic that wanted to rise in his chest.

What was Erik supposed to say to that?

He’d seen it all happen.

Heard Eleven call for him even though he was gone.

In the blink of an eye El was out of his chair, his arms wrapping around Erik, holding him as gently as he possibly could. “I can’t lose you. Not again. Not ever again.”

It finally settled in.

He hadn’t just come close this time. 

He’d actually died.

He’d died and nearly left Eleven alone.

Erik wrapped his arms around Eleven’s back, ignoring the straining of his joints. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry.” He felt like crying. What a fool he was.

Erik hadn’t ever made a promise to never leave Eleven, but he felt as if he’d broken one anyway.

Erik held on, let himself be held until his shakes stopped. 

He let Eleven draw away, let Eleven place him back down to rest.

“Veronica’s going to kill you when she sees that you’re awake.” Eleven said, the half-smile on his face just as forced as the pleasant tone he took. The fake-cheerful conversation. “She’s been screeching about how stupid you are ever since I brought you back.”

Erik deserved every word she’d throw his way.

“Sylvando isn’t going to let you have a moment’s rest.” He was rambling now. Trying to fill the air with anything that wasn’t what he had said before. “They’ve been worried sick. We all have.”

“How long do I have?” Erik asked, then quickly added, “Until I’m swarmed by everyone?”

“The rest of the night, most likely. It’s still very late.” The only light in the room was coming from the small lantern on the bedside table. “You still need to rest. Go back to sleep.”

“Shouldn’t you, too? That chair can’t be comfortable.”

Eleven shrugged, not meeting his eyes. “I’m fine here. I want to stay close. In case there’s an emergency.”

He had said that the zing hadn’t healed him completely. Serena and Rab, they must’ve had to fight to keep him alive. “Has there been one?”

“Just go to sleep, Erik.” Eleven twisted the knob of the lantern, smothering the flame, and sending the room into darkness. “I’ll answer your questions in the morning.”


	2. Chapter 2

_ “See you on the other side.” _

Just how many times had those words echoed through Eleven’s head?

How many times had he waited to hear them again, how long had Eleven waited for Erik to look at him just as he’d done then, before Eleven shattered the time sphere?

And this is how it happened?

Eleven’s blood ran cold as Erik smiled up at him, just as if he was about to leave, like he was just saying goodbye at the end of a day  _ -no, no-  _ he wasn’t going to let it end like this. Eleven came back so that  _ all  _ this companions would live, so that the world could live, he’d figure something out, consequences and certainties and the entire cliff be damned-

The end of Erik’s deft dagger punctured through the back of Eleven’s hand. 

His hand moved on reflex, the tendon and muscle contorting around the stab, Eleven tried to keep his grip around Erik’s wrist, but it was too late.

His fingers went lax.

He managed to keep ahold of Erik’s glove. Just the glove. 

Erik’s hand slipped through his fingers, and he was falling, falling to the forests below.

_ “Erik!”  _ Eleven’s scream tore through his throat, more animal than man.

This couldn’t be happening. It  _ couldn’t be happening _ !

He lost sight of Erik as he fell below the tree tops.

As fast as he could, the hot sting of the cut on his hand and the deep burn of the gash in his back a mere afterthought, Eleven pushed himself away from the ledge, and started down the slope, energy depleted but enough restored by simple adrenaline. 

It wasn’t a hard climb up, and an even easier descent. There were no vines he had to climb or ledges to scale.

It was a simple road, something easy, something  _ safe _ .

The creature had come out of nowhere, caught them both off guard. Stronger than the other monsters he was used to in the area… But it had been nothing short of stupid to believe that even a single corner of Erdrea had remained the same. 

Vicious monsters everywhere. Leaving their usual hunting grounds in search of better prey. 

_ My fault, it’s my fault! _ Eleven ran, stumbling over an exposed root, but not stopping for the sudden twist in his ankle. He should’ve been more aware, more careful. 

By now he should know that they were never truly safe.

What a fucking  _ idiot  _ he was.

His mistake, and it has cost Erik his life-

_ No. _

No matter what he found, Erik’s life wasn’t lost.

The bottom of the mountain. 

Eleven’s lungs were burning. He could feel blood sticking his shirt to his skin, he knew he’d left a trail for anything to follow, he knew he needed to see Serena, needed to find some medicine at the very least, but none of it mattered.

Not until Erik was found. 

_ “Erik!”  _ Eleven screamed his friend’s name, slowing down as little as possible as he entered the forest.

He didn’t know exactly where Erik fell.

He didn’t know how to go about finding him.

He needed help, he needed his other friends, should go back to camp, but-

If Erik was still alive.

If there was any chance he could be saved, there wasn’t any time to waste. 

_ “Erik!”  _ He had to find him. He didn’t have a choice. He couldn’t let Erik die, he couldn’t be the reason Erik lost his life-

A flash of blue against the browns of the bracken and earth.

Too vivid to be a bird, too low to the ground to be the sky. 

_ “Erik-“  _ Eleven pushed through the undergrowth, and felt his heart drop to the ground. 

Erik was still. Not a breath moving his chest, not so much as a breeze stirring his hair.

Not even a blink as his blue eyes stared sightlessly at the sky.

A blue that made for a stark contrast to the bright crimson blood spreading beneath it.

“You can’t do this-“ Eleven fell to his knees at Erik’s side without a second of hesitation, bruised knees were  _ nothing  _ next to the broken twist of Erik’s body. He pressed his fingers to Erik’s throat, just in case, just to know for sure-

Nothing. No thrum of a pulse.

_ Dead _ .

Eleven knew the spell he needed to use. He’d learned zing what felt like a lifetime ago, what may have been a lifetime ago, but it was only by the grace of the goddess he hadn’t had to cast it yet.

It was not all powerful. It failed more often than it succeeded, and it didn’t heal everything. So much of the magic it cost was to just restart the heart, to heal or at least patch a fatal wound-

It cost much to use, and Eleven didn’t have much to spare.

Ration your mana. Use it wisely. Never spent what you don’t have to spare.

Rules he knew. Rules he was taught before he even knew a single spell.

Rules he was about to forgo entirely. 

Eleven cast the spell, not a thought spared to the odds stacked against him. His hands glowed with the healing magic, and in his mind he saw Erik, just after freeing Mia, from regaining his memories, joining his quest again and swearing to stay by his side.

Eleven felt tears prick in the corners of his eyes. “You promised-“ He had to grit his teeth against the pull of mana away from him, “you promised you’d be here for me!”

It didn’t matter that the promise had been made in a future that didn’t exist. This was  _ Erik _ , and Erik kept his word. Even if the vow had never been made, he still followed Eleven in this new future. He couldn’t stop now.

Nothing happened.

The spell faded, and Eleven felt lightheaded. He took a deep breath to quell his nausea, and tried again.

“I fixed everything!” At the cost of so much. “I fixed everything…”  _ To lose time is to lose much _ . “You can’t…” This was a price Eleven wasn’t willing to pay. Memories came unbidden, of skin to skin contact, warm and soft and welcoming, a voice in his ear that was always sweet, of a body in his arms and in his bed- Eleven didn’t have much left to give.

It was now or never.

_ No, not never _ . It wasn’t too late. Eleven was so close to forging the new sword of light- he could go back again. He could fight Mordegon again, he was even stronger now. He could win again.

He’d go back time and time and time again until everyone was safe and sound, until Erik was safe and his again- Eleven took tight hold of the filthy tunic in his hands, and fought away the tears that spilled down his cheeks.

One last try.  _ “You can’t.”  _

Erik moved.

His eyes rolled back as he gasped in a great lungful of air, fingers digging into the earth and back arching as he began to cough, flecks of ruby red staining Eleven’s duster.

_ “Erik,”  _ Eleven sobbed, carefully slipping a hand beneath his shoulders and knees. “Thank the goddess,  _ Erik.”  _ He was crying freely now, tears of pure relief that he simply couldn’t control.

Erik let out a pained keening sound, his teeth gritted and eyes screwed tight against the agony, before he screamed.

He was hardly conscious, the sound tearing away from his throat by reflex more than anything else, and it chilled Eleven to the bone.

This wasn’t over.

Erik was alive, but only barely. Only what had killed him was healed, leaving him with everything he’d sustained in their fight, and still more damage from the fall than Eleven cared to think about.

They weren’t out of the woods yet.

As the sound faded, leaving Eleven’s ears ringing and the entire forest on alert, Erik’s eyes closed and he went limp in Eleven’s hold.

His breath came in heavy rasps, as if he’d just run all the way from Cobblestone to Heliodor, the sound hardly matching the deathly pallor and icy touch of his skin.

Eleven had to fight away panic.

He was  _ alive,  _ he had to tell himself. He was alive and he was going to live.

Eleven had dragged him by force away from death’s door and there was no way in hell he was ever going to let him go back.

Camp wasn’t  _ too  _ far, Eleven tried to assure himself, ignoring the small monsters that ran from the sight of him.

For them to run, even as he was visibly injured, and carrying the body-  _ no _ -as he was carrying his unconscious friend, truly spoke of what he must look like.

The trek went by in a blur in Eleven’s mind.

Through the forests, away from the mountain. Back along the path.

The sight of the rising smoke of their campfire was more welcome than he knew how to give voice to. 

Someone yelled when he came into sight, he couldn’t tell who. The world was tilted on its axis around him, everything sounded like he was in Nautica, voices muted and garbled, the campsite swimming in his eyes.

“Help,” Eleven begged, though Serena was already at his side, her hands glowing with her magic, but coming far too close to Erik for comfort.

Sylvando was at his side, trying to take Erik from his arms.

Eleven jerked away, the sudden movement jerking Erik too fast, inciting a choked sort of pained sound from him. This was wrong, what were they doing?

Why were they trying to take him? He’d  _ just  _ gotten him back!

“Ellie, dear,” Sylvando’s voice cut through the fog of Eleven’s panic, the level tone and careful hand on his arm quieting the buzz in his mind, “We can’t help him while you’re holding him.”

Why ever not? 

“Please, darling, you trust us, don’t you? We won’t hurt him. You know that.”

He did, he knew he did, but every last nerve in his body screamed at him as he let Sylvando take Erik, as he had to again see the stains of Erik’s lifeblood, the proof of his brush with death still soaked into his clothes, into his skin.

Eleven tried to follow as Sylvando took Erik into his tent, Serena and Rab following behind. He didn’t want Erik out of his sight, he couldn’t know that he was alright, that he was  _ alive- _

“Luminary, please,” Hendrick’s hand around Eleven’s arm was the only thing that stopped him from entering the tent, “You need to wait here.”

Eleven only stared at him, words failing. He couldn’t just stay- he needed to help, Erik needed him-

“El,” Another hand, softer and smaller on his.

Eleven turned to meet Veronica’s eyes- she was an adult. When had the curse been broken? 

When had she come back? She’d just died when Yggdrasil fell, he’d seen it. Erik was dying now, too. What was going on? None of this made any sense-

“You need to calm down.”

How?

Her face was pinched with worry, but a soothing magic fell over Eleven.

It was forced, not half as focused or eased as Serena’s spells, but it helped.

Just enough.

Defuddle, he was just able to tell.

Veronica wasn’t dead. Eleven had broken the curse that kept her small. Erik was being healed.

Feeling crept back into Eleven’s hands, it was okay. Erik was going to be okay.

He’d gotten him to safety.

He let his remaining companions lead him to the fallen tree, and sat him down, Eleven letting them move him around like a doll. 

He stared at the ground, and within moments, or maybe minutes, Eleven couldn’t tell, a mug was pressed into his red-stained hands.

The mug was nearly too hot to hold, but the feeling was grounding.

The scent from the steam wafting up was weak. They were nearly out of tea leaves by now. They wouldn’t be in another town for weeks, why were they brewing tea in the middle of the day?

The same gloved hands that gave him the mug held his tight, and Eleven looked up from the weak tea to meet Jade’s concerned eyes.

“Can you tell us what happened?” She asked, her voice gentle, talking to him as if he was a scared child. 

Eleven didn’t know where to begin. His mind was a swirl of the present, the past, and the future that never was, everything mixed together and confused. 

“...S’ my fault.” Eleven managed,”I didn’t- I didn’t want to let go.” The clumsy healing magic running over his skin was the only thing keeping Eleven from spiraling right back into panic. This was the present. This wasn’t the future ruled by darkness. It couldn’t be, if Veronica was healing him. After… After everything, Eleven had insisted on everyone learning as many healing and beneficial spells as possible. He didn’t want to take any risks. 

He closed his eyes, to calm down, to think, but the second he did all he could see was red blood against blue, skin too pale, too still-

They snapped back open, and Eleven was now looking down into his cup. His hands were shaking.

How did he explain what had happened?

What words could he even use? 

“I should’ve- I let my guard down. Now Erik’s hurt…”

“I’m sure whatever happened was not your fault.” Eleven looked up as Hendrik spoke.

What had happened? 

Eleven missed the Hendrik that didn’t act like a stone statue. The one that saw himself as a part of their group, and not just an extra ordered to come along. The one that called him by his name, and not his title.

The magic faded from Veronica’s hands, and she moved to work on the slice that had been forced into Eleven’s. 

He watched in silence as the wound stitched itself closed, but left a thin white line.

A permanent reminder of this day.

“Luminary.” Hendrik spoke again. “You must tell us what happened. If you were followed, if you’re still in danger-“

“We killed it.” Eleven said, feeling marginally stronger now that his wounds had been taken care of. “It came out of nowhere. Surprised us.” He wracked his mind, trying to place a name to the creature- but names eluded him. The monster even faded from his memory.

But not Erik. Never Erik.

“Erik- he slipped.” Eleven blinked away the image of him falling. He was alive.  _ He was alive.  _ “I caught him, but…” 

“But?” Jade prompted him, her voice so much calmer than it should be. “What happened?”

“I couldn’t hold on.” Eleven confessed, feeling hate bubble up to the surface for his own weakness. His own ineptitude. “He fell.” His voice croaked. “He died.”

“No,” Veronica interjected, “he’s not dead. You got him back in time, Serena-“

Eleven started speaking, and he couldn’t stop. “When he hit the ground,” his own voice sounded far away. “He fell so far - when I found him, he was dead. It was my fault.” Panic welled back up inside him. “It was my fault. Erik-“ Tears began to flow.  _ “It was my fault!” _

Jade slapped him across his face, and Eleven quieted. His tea spilled on the ground. 

Jade looked furious.

“Hendrik.” She ordered, and he immediately stood at attention. “Go and check on Erik. Find out when Eleven can see him.”

“Yes, Princess.”

Jade’s eyes were soft again. “Nothing that happened today was your fault.” She spoke with a kind of certainty that Eleven envied. “Erik is alive. Serena and Rab won’t let anything happen to him.”

Eleven nodded, wishing he could believe her.

He watched as Hendrik crossed the campsite and peered into the tent.

They were talking, but Eleven couldn’t hear what they were saying.

Sylvando came back with him.

As they approached, Jade moved to sit next to Eleven, holding an arm around her little brother’s shoulders, giving Sylvando room to kneel down to be eye level with Eleven.

He didn’t really hear what Sylvando had to say.

He hardly felt the reassuring touches they made, hardly felt the time slip by.

He stayed quiet, and let his friends try to reassure him.

But all he could hear was static.

~~

The sun had set by the time Serena and Rab felt safe enough with their work to leave Erik alone.

They would have to be moving on tomorrow. Finding somewhere safer for Erik to rest.

Serena and Rab did all they could for him, but so much magic at once… It was hardly healthy.

Spells, splints, and bandages the only things holding him together.

Erik’s recovery was going to take time.

El sat on his own bedroll, but dared not to sleep.

Instead, he waited. He listened.

Erik would not wake tonight, they’d told him, and Eleven believed them.

He wasn’t waiting for him to wake, but he was waiting for something to go wrong.

Against the backdrop of cicadas singing, Eleven listened to Erik breathe.

As the moon rose high above them, and the silvery light filtered into the tent, Eleven waited patiently.

Erik kept breathing.

Erik kept living.

His breath hitched periodically, startling Eleven back to his senses, ready to cast a spell, ready to wake the entire camp, but it would continue on as if nothing was wrong.

But so, so much was wrong.

Erik slept on, unaware of everything that was missing.

Carefully, Eleven took Erik’s hand in his, gently threading their fingers together. Bandages covered his wrist, but his hand was free.

Completely.

Missing the ring that Erik once wore, and had never worn.

Both Erik’s and his own lay somewhere in Eleven’s bag. Waiting for the day to be brought back out.

A day that Eleven now felt may never come.

In the cover of night, Eleven began to cry.

The next few days passed in a blur for Eleven.

They’d been in the mountains not too far from Cobblestone, so they had a place they could stay.

For the first time since he’d left his village, Eleven walked in the rear of the party.

He let Jade lead the way instead, he let his companions fight what few monsters dared approach them.

Eleven had been too preoccupied with Erik.

His arms burned with the consistent strain, but he refused any offers of help.

He’d done this to Erik, at the very least he could bring him to safety.

**~~**

Cobblestone was happy to have them.

The rebuilding was still far from being finished, but the villagers still found room to put them all up.

No thanks necessary, they had told them all, it was the least they could do to help.

Eleven hadn’t expected the village to do anything different… But still, as soon as Erik was well enough to be left on his own, El would see what there was he could do around the village.

He wasn’t going to let this kindness go unpaid.

When Erik woke the first time, he was too dazed to even speak. He merely looked around with a feverish glint in his eyes, and it only lasted for a handful of moments before he was out again, but for Eleven, it meant everything.

Erik was going to be okay.

Everything was worth the fight.

Another day came and went without much to show. 

Eleven saw the light and shadows move across the walls of his childhood home.

He saw his sister come and go, checking in on him, offering her support… 

Everyone came and went, to check on Erik, check on him. 

Eleven didn’t say much.

Hadn’t spoken much since… 

Speaking had always been just a little difficult.

He wasn’t prepared for it to get  _ worse.  _

Everything played on repeat in his mind.

Eleven came up with scenario after scenario, in which Erik never fell. In which he had managed to be the hero he was supposed to be.

Erdwin’s lantern hung low in the sky, and Eleven sat in his home.

The second time Erik woke, Eleven had been asleep. Finally succumbing to exhaustion in the chair beside him.

It was a coughing fit that woke him.

In no time at all, Eleven was awake, holding Erik up, letting him brace against his arms as he caught his breath.

His skin was too warm, but at last he’d begun to regain some of his color.

When he quieted, for a moment Eleven thought that’d he’d again fallen asleep, the expense that the fit had taken too much, but after a moment, Erik was looking at him again, a clarity in his eyes that made Eleven want to cry.

He was aware. He was alive.

“What do you need?” Eleven asked, ready to do _anything_ at all to help him. 

“Water?” Erik’s voice was cracked from disuse. 

Eleven filled the glass he had waiting, just in case, and held it to Erik’s lips. He knew how stubborn Erik was, knew how he hated asking for even the smallest amount of help, was fully prepared for Erik to fight him on this, but…

He didn’t.

Erik let Eleven take care of him, and that was almost scarier than having him try to fight in his state.

Eleven took the glass away.

“Wait-“ Erik moved to reach for the glass. He knew it wasn’t enough.

“You can have more later if you can keep that down.” Eleven didn't want to risk making him sick. Too much anything on a stomach that hadn’t eaten in days… He needed to start slow.

In the morning, Eleven could bring a mug of broth for him, just a little. 

As long as Serena said it was okay.

“You’ve been out for days.” How much did he remember? The fight, the fall? The… Red against blue. Eleven still couldn’t chase away the sight.

“Come on, it’s just water.” Erik grinned, trying to make light, but the dark rings under his eyes and the grey tinge to his skin didn’t match. “It’s not going to hurt me.”

Eleven… didn’t know what to say to that.

_ Everything  _ could hurt him like this. Erik… 

“You were  _ dead,  _ Erik.” So close to being gone, so close to be missing from Eleven’s side forever, so close to a pine box-

“And you brought me back.” Erik pointed out, ever so slowly starting to sound like himself again. But- he  _ knew _ . He  _ knew  _ he had died. Something cold wormed its way through Eleven’s heart. Had he wanted Erik to forget? Surely he had, if he didn’t have to remember, he shouldn’t. “Which, by the way, was amazing. Who knew you had it in you?”

He didn’t. He never should have had to find out. 

He never-

Red and blue. 

Eleven had no explanation for the pure  _ hatred  _ he suddenly felt. “Never,  _ never  _ do that again.” The glass creaked in his hold. Eleven couldn’t remember a time he’d been this angry. “Never assume you have to-“  _ Sacrifice yourself.  _ “Never decide that there’s no way out. I’ll find a way. I’ll make one if I have to.”

For his team, for Erik, Eleven would do anything it took. 

He’d do anything.

He’d defy the flow of time.

“Eleven-“

“No.” Eleven croaked, feeling his throat close up. He wasn’t going to cry. Not right now. “You don’t get to lecture me. You were  _ gone _ . I had to-“ Had to see you die. “I found your body.” Your  _ corpse _ . “Just- I don’t… I brought you back but it took  _ everything  _ I had.” Eleven hadn’t planned on telling Erik this. He didn’t want him to know, to have to understand how close he’d come- “I couldn’t heal you anymore than what zing did. You were still dying when I brought you back. If I hadn’t found Serena…” It would’ve all been for nothing. 

Erik didn’t respond.

Eleven looked up, and immediately regretted everything he’d said.

He’d never seen that look-

Eleven was holding Erik close before he could stop himself. This wasn’t his Erik. This wasn’t- 

Erik held him back.

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry.” They held onto each other, both terrified of what had happened, of what had yet to come.

Eleven laid Erik back against his old bed, and felt confident that he would wake again by morning.

It wasn’t much, but it was an improvement.

Eleven sat back in his chair, and did not expect to sleep again, and yet it still came.

_ “Give it to me again, someday.”  _

Erik had stopped Eleven just before he shattered the time sphere, pulling off his ring, and setting it carefully into Eleven’s palm before folding his hand closed around it. “ _ I know better than to try and stop you.” _

Erik was smiling, but Eleven knew his heart was breaking.

They had no idea what was to come of this.

But for Veronica.

For the infant child in Arboria.

For every leaf that fell before its time…

Eleven had to leave.

He hadn’t a choice.

_ “This isn’t good-bye! Not by a long shot!” _

**~~**

Sunlight filtered through the shuttered window, forcing Erik awake.

Pain throbbed deep in his bones, from his head and spreading out through his whole body, not leaving a single inch of skin painless. 

The stone walls seemed familiar, now that he saw the room in daylight.

It took longer than it should’ve, was  _ harder  _ than it should’ve been to push himself up onto his elbows, leaving his arms trembling and his breath coming in fast pants. 

He was dizzy as he sat up, but tried to push past it.

He knew this place, and yet… 

This was Eleven’s old home in Cobblestone.

He’d never seen it whole, Erik didn’t know how he recognized it, and yet… It felt like home, in a way that no place ever has before.

It was a disconcerting feeling, waking up somewhere you’d never been before, but feeling safer there than anywhere else.

There was no one else in the little house. The chair Eleven had been in the night before was empty, and the room was silent.

Erik took a deep breath, holding it through the urge to cough, and swung his legs over the side of the bed before he lost the strength.

Serena and Rab had healed him, right? So why was everything still so painful?

He’d been stripped down to nothing but his underclothes at some point. He should probably feel embarrassed by that… but he was more focused on what it allowed him to see.

His left wrist, and his opposite ankle and knee, were all swathed in white bandages.

There were no cuts or scrapes underneath them.

It was just to hold it all still.

The bandages  _ elsewhere,  _ though… He couldn’t quite say.

Looking around, Erik couldn’t see his clothes anywhere, so he wrapped the quilt he’d been under around his shoulders instead.

It wasn’t exactly enough, but it was all he had at hand.

It took a few more moments of concentrating, but eventually Erik was able to stand.

Stars swam in his eyes, and the world tripped alarmingly.

He couldn’t put any weight on his right leg, and before he’d even had a chance to balance himself, Erik found himself falling to the floor.

The ground was cold and hard and pressing far too much onto his bruised-feeling skin, and the tip of the water pitcher off the side table only added insult to injury as it splashed over him.

_ “Fuck!” _ Erik cursed at no one, at himself. If he was dizzy before, he didn’t know what to call the sickening spin that he was feeling nowl

He screwed his eyes shut, but the spinning didn’t stop.

The sound of the door hinges, then, El’s voice, sounding confused. “Erik?”

Someone was picking him up off the floor, hands under his arms.

He didn’t know if it was the pain, or the embarrassment that made him lash out.

“Get  _ off!” _ He practically growled, eyes snapping open to meet Eleven’s concerned blue ones. “I can get up on my own.” Erik said through gritted teeth.

“Well, clearly you can’t.” Veronica just had to butt in, announcing her presence just as loudly as she ever did. 

Erik was going to correct her, wanted to tell her that if that was anyone’s fault, it was her own for doing such a lousy job at patching him up, but just as Eleven let him go, sitting up on the edge of the bed, another wave of vertigo hit, and Erik groaned instead, pressing the heels of his hands to his eyes.

“What’s the matter?” Eleven asked, hands gentle on Erik’s wrists. “Where’s it hurt?”

“All over.” Erik grumbled, “Feel like shit.”

_ “Specifically,  _ Erik.” Veronica said slowly, “Where does it hurt, specifically.”

“I’m dizzy.” Erik forced out. “Feels like…”  _ Feels like I’m falling. _ “Feels like the room is spinning.”

Erik heard the sound of a spell being cast, and the pressure inside his skull faded little by little. Erik was able to open his eyes again without feeling ill.

Veronica was still trying to heal him, but at this point the magic felt as if it wasn’t doing a thing.

Erik tried to pinpoint where he was feeling the worst pain, but everything nearly hurt the same amount. 

Bone-deep and incessant.

“What all do you remember?” Veronica asked as Eleven left the room, presumably to fetch Serena, or maybe just a broom to clean up the mess Erik had made.

_ Everything _ . “The fight. Falling, then waking up here.” Erik lied. There was no need to tell the truth. No need to upset anyone more than he supposedly already had. “That’s it.”

Her hands stopped glowing as the spell faded away, and she glanced over her shoulder, waiting a moment to see if Eleven was coming back.

Then, “Are you  _ sure?”  _ Sounding more serious than Erik had ever heard from her, “Positively certain you don’t remember anything about dying?”

Erik hesitated just a moment longer than he should’ve, and he knew he had been found out.

“Because I do.”


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello!!! It’s been a while!  
> I hope that wait wasn’t too bad, but... here we go! It’s nano and I’m getting this done!
> 
> Also’! If you’re reading this the day it’s posted (November 1st) Im gonna ask that you go back and reread the first two chapters! Not a whole lot of change, but a couple of important details and some general improvements.   
> I hope you enjoy!! :D

Erik had ants under his skin. He must, at least, to explain the horrible crawling that just wouldn’t abate. 

Like being watched, but no eyes to be found.

Well.

That wasn’t entirely true.

As it would turn out, almost dying led to people assuming that you needed round the clock care, like an infant.

And Erik could only take so much more before he snapped.

“Hey, you alright?” A simple question. Answered by a variety of different kinds of  _ no.  _ A question with only good intent, but a question that made Erik want to scream.

How many days had it been? “I’m fine.” Erik said, keeping turned on his side, facing the other side of the room.

The side of the room where he  _ wasn’t  _ having to face El, and his too-sad, too-concerned, and too-eager to help face.

He just needed ten minutes.

Ten minutes was all he asked. Just enough time alone to think, to breathe.

But instead…

“Are you sure?” Eleven asked, and Erik heard the scrape of his chair against the floor as he stood. 

Always there.

“I could get you something. Anything. Are you hurting? It’s probably nearly time for another session-”

“I’m  _ fine.”  _ Erik forced out through gritted teeth. “I’m just tired.”

Tired of being watched. Tired of being stuck in this damned bed. Tired of pain, of healing sessions, tired of  _ questions.  _

The frustration carried all too well in his voice, and he could feel the way it had hurt Eleven.

But he didn’t care. Annoy him enough and just maybe he’d get some quiet time. 

Erik could always apologize later.

“Alright. I’m sorry, I’ll be quiet.”

He wasn’t that hurt, clearly. 

“Thank you.” Erik said, shutting his eyes against the morning light, and wishing he was actually tired enough to sleep.

But when sleep is all you have…

Erik couldn’t say the back of his eyelids were all that interesting, and when there was nothing to distract the mind, the body was all there was to focus on.

And on his… There was plenty.

The rough texture of the gauze and how it caught on his sheets. The way his wrists were wrapped to stay straight, and the way that the muscles burned.

The crackle in his lungs and the knots in his back.

What was really going on?

He knew, he knew he did. Too much magic at once wasn’t good for anyone, and with the amount of damage he had suffered-

His eyes shut tighter.

He could still taste the blood. Could still hear the static in his ears…

It was safe to say he wouldn’t ever forget. Not until his time came again, for real.

Whenever that happened to be.

And then…

With any luck, that time would come without all the fear. Without the grief.

But that-

That just made him wonder more.

He needed to talk to Veronica. He needed to know what she meant.

_ Because I do. _

When had she died?  _ How  _ was that possible? He’d been with her their entire journey, and unless she and Serena had been keeping something like that a secret…

Nothing made sense.

Eyes closed, his mind supplied images for him, unbidden. Unwanted.

Veronica’s body, broken and bloody at the base of a cliff. Just like he had seen his.

_ Wrong. _

Erik startled, eyes flying open. Warm under the covers and suddenly cold and clammy.

Wrong. How did he know that was wrong?

Images, flashing in and out. 

Veronica, still under her curse, age drained away, sleeping peacefully propped up against an old oak.

Except… She wasn’t sleeping. Erik didn’t know how he knew, but he knew.

But… How could he? Erik saw her vanish under the lightest touch, saw the image of all their friends, raising a toast to their victory, to Veronica’s life. Saw the glass in his own raised hand.

But… How could he remember that? When it had never happened?

The static rose, no longer a memory but full in his reality, growing in volume and pitch until it was an endless tone in his ears. 

Erik didn’t know if he was screaming. 

He could feel that his jaw was stretched wide, feel the burn in his throat - but could hear no sound aside from what was in his head, what felt like was ripping through his eardrums and making them bleed.

Hands clamped hard over his ears, in a futile attempt to make it stop.

Eleven was there, hands over his own, Erik could just see his mouth moving, the glow of a spell through the blur of his vision, before he too was gone.

Abandoning Erik now.

Thoughts were fleeting, and even the pain in his throat died away as he ran out of air, the agony in his mind a block to any coherent thought.

Seconds.

Only seconds.

And the pain faded, a stronger spell, something more fine-tuned. The ring faded, and Erik could hear his own voice again, feeling the tears on his skin as his body finally relaxed, gasping for breath between half-escaped sobs.

“Erik?” Eleven’s voice was only above a whisper, and it shot a lightning bolt of pain through his brain. “Is that better? What happened?” He was back. Why did he leave?

He didn’t want to answer. Please, Goddess, tell him he didn’t need to answer.

There was a hand on his shoulder, and another brushing away his bangs.

Erik didn’t know who. Tears squeezing past his screwed-shut eyes.

He hadn’t even  _ done  _ anything. 

“Laddie, you need to let us know you can hear us. We can’t help you if we don’t know what’s wrong.”

Rab. That’s why Eleven had left. He’d gotten help.

“I can hear you.” Erik said through the shaking in his voice, past the way his whole body trembled with the pain. “I-I don’t know… It just started.”

“What did?” Eleven asked. His voice came from just above Erik’s head and - when had he been moved? Only just gaining the awareness of the arms around him, propping him up as Rab checked him over for any changes, blocking out the light from the windows, fingers running through his hair, just against his scalp in a way that was all too close. How long has Eleven been this close? This comfortable being so close? 

It was an unfamiliar touch… But at the same time, Erik felt all too comfortable leaning into it. It was helping, he tried to reason with himself. It truly was, and Erik wasn’t going to fight it.

Not that he even had the energy.

“Ringing in my ears…” Erik said, strength ever so slowly returning. “I don’t know what it was.”

Rab’s brows furrowed, the lines around his eyes growing more pronounced.

Something was wrong. 

“It’s gone, now?”

“Almost.” Erik dared to raise his voice. “It’s stopping.”

Rab drew back, his spell fading. He was quiet for a moment, then smiled, the cheerful look at odds with the strain written clear all over his face.

“Probably nothing to worry about, then.” He looked to his grandson. “He’s been in bed all morning, hasn’t he? Why don’t you fix him up a little breakfast, and we’ll head outside. Get some good fresh air in ‘em. Little bit of sunlight does wonders.” 

_ No.  _ Erik wanted to protest as his warm backrest left, leaving him again in the pillows.  _ Stay. Please.  _

He wasn’t hungry. He didn’t want to go outside.

He wanted to go back.

He wanted to do that day all over again. He wanted to fight. 

But he didn’t voice these wishes.

There would be no point.

He needed to find another way to help.

Veronica.

No matter what, he needed to talk to Veronica.

~~

Just to be safe… “Hello?” Jade called through the door, knocking on the wooden surface.

No response. Perfect.

She had just seen Amber pick up and leave for the morning, and Rab had all but carted Erik away for some fresh air, claiming that sitting inside breathing in stale air wasn’t doing anything to help his lungs.

Eleven following diligently behind like a trained puppy.

They had two hours at the most.

Jade would need to make this quick.

Thanking Cobblestone’s trusting nature for the fact that no one ever locked their homes, she pushed on through without a second thought, Serena following close behind.

Really, Jade didn’t  _ need  _ her to come. But the moment Serena had found out about her plan, there hadn’t been any stopping her. 

She didn’t like it.

But Serena knew there was a problem, and for one reason or another, decided to tag along.

The little one-roomed home wouldn’t take long to rummage through. Jade hadn’t any interest in invading Amber or Erik’s privacy.

It was just Eleven this time.

Seeing the two of them driven apart was an odd sight. Ever since Jade had met them,  _ finally  _ met her little brother, they’d seemed inseparable. Joined at the hip, comfortable in each other’s presence to the point that she had been nothing less than shocked that they’d met only months before instead of years.

And of course, she hadn’t trusted Erik all that much after learning exactly how he’d come into Eleven’s company, the friendliness suddenly looked much more like a ploy.

But it was a short-lived suspicion, Erik easily proving himself to be trustworthy. 

But now… Eleven was the one acting oddly.

Erik was frustrated and humiliated, plain enough to see. But he would heal in time, and no one would be cruel enough to poke fun at his current state. He would get better.

Eleven though, was the one who was concerning her. 

There was a wedge between the two of them, and it would be all too easy to chalk it up to a product of Eleven’s guilt, Erik annoyed by the constant helping hand, not even given a chance to fend for himself before there was someone at his side, helping him up, fetching what he needed, or urging him back to rest instead of doing what he wanted to. 

It was something they were all guilty of at this point. 

They all knew of course that Erik wasn’t glass, that he had survived and that he would recover. Possibly  _ faster  _ if he were allowed some autonomy, but the image of Eleven dragging him back to camp, broken and bloody… Those first few days where they didn’t dare move him… 

It made it hard. 

But Eleven took it to a new level. 

She couldn’t forget the fog he had been in when he’d come back to camp. The sheer terror as he had refused to hand Erik over to those that could  _ save  _ him, scared that the moment he let go Erik would be gone.

The fear that kept him awake until Erik had finally woken on his own. 

The confusion that didn’t make sense.

The secretive nature he had suddenly taken on.

So much that didn’t add up… 

And Jade was going to find out exactly what.

“I really don’t think you should be doing this.” Serena said, peering out the cracked door and not doing a single thing to hide any of her disapproval. “We don’t know exactly what Eleven saw… Jade, he’s just mourning.” 

_ No one died.  _ Jade bit back saying. She knew better than most that you could certainly grieve for the living. 

But her father was getting better.

Her brother was not. 

And while he’d surely be upset when he found out… This was  _ important.  _ If he wouldn’t come clean on his own… Then Jade would find out on her own. “He’s acting weird. You’ve noticed, too.” 

“He’s going to be upset…” Serena warned, looking back at Jade. 

Eleven wouldn’t be mad if they were caught, but he’d be disappointed, and that was infinitely worse.

“He’ll be upset with me, not you. Don’t worry.”

“I am worried!” Serena finally shut the door all the way, confident that Jade was right about the amount of time they had to spare before anyone would be coming back through. “I’m worried about  _ you!  _ This isn’t normal…”

Nothing they did was normal. 

Serena continued, but Jade only listened with half an ear. “We’re all upset over what happened to Erik, and we’re all going through our own reactions to it. Just because Eleven isn’t coping the same way you are doesn’t mean he’s acting oddly. The poor thing is just scared.”

Jade didn’t take any note of Serena’s concern as she continued to rifle through Eleven’s bag.

His journal was in here  _ somewhere,  _ she knew! She’d seen it pulled in and out of the deceptively tiny horribly green case all too many times.

She didn’t know all of what Eleven wrote in it, and really he was the only person she knew who  _ actually  _ kept a diary, but if there was one way she knew she could find out exactly what was going on in his mind, this was it.

Arm in all the way to her elbow, Jade felt not the leather cover of the old tome, but a small box. Wooden, fitting well in her palm.

Nothing else she had brushed past had caught her attention in exactly the same way, knowing that the bag carried virtually anything they came across, and she really didn’t need to know whether each vial she brushed past kept finessence or goobricant, or if one cloth bag held medicinal herbs or panacea. But…

For one reason or another, Jade pulled the box out.

Hand-carved from walnut. Too small to be used to carry tools, not practical for keeping supplies.

And it didn’t look like anything Jade had seen a monster drop.

In fact… It looked like a ring box. 

Eleven had forged very nearly every recipe they’d come across for rings. Agility, life, prayer, changes, clarity, you name it, it had passed through their use.

But… He never bothered with storing them so carefully. It was easier to throw them all together in one pouch, if they didn’t end up being sold at one merchant stall or another.

“Jade…” Serena warned, a second vote to the voice in her mind telling her to put the box back where she’d found it. 

But her curiosity won out, backed by the horrible, horrible feeling of grief caught in her throat.

A grief she didn’t understand, something that came out of the blue to choke her with a terrible feeling of loss…

It wasn’t a cursed item. 

They never let anything like that stay within their possession longer than absolutely necessary. Not after learning what happened to Mia.

Slowly, as if something was waiting inside to jump out at her, Jade opened the box.

Set inside black velvet were two silver bands.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> When I started this fic, it was purely vent fic after tearing my ACL and getting stuck in bed.  
> Now, months later, I finally got that diagnosis and apart from a couple days working and taking care of my dogs, I’m pretty much re-stuck to heal it up the rest of the way and for a couple other reasons.  
> So.  
> Time to really bring this project back.

All the air had been sucked from the room. From the entire world, actually. It must have been, to explain the fact it felt as if Jade wasn’t breathing.

They weren’t the traditional gold, but… She could recognize a pair of wedding bands when she saw them. And, if they were for the person that just flashed in her mind, hand-in-hand with her brother, the edges of the memory oddly fuzzy… 

He didn’t care too much for gold jewelry, anyway. 

“Jade,” Serena said, finally giving up her self-assigned watch out post to kneel beside her to look, but stumbled over what she wanted to say, “You need to put that back.”

Jade was going to.

She had every plan in mind to put them back and forget, except for the simple little nagging fact that she absolutely didn’t.

Eleven often took requests for things to be made. He’d seldom turn down a reason to bring out the forge, and Jade had  _ seen  _ him hand over jewelry he’d made by hand, incredible craftsmanship and value she didn’t even want to think about asking for nothing in return that they couldn’t give.

In fact, she was certain he would give his handiwork away for free, happy with simply helping.

But Jade was aware of no current commission, no favors he planned on doing. He hadn’t even brought out the forge since - since Erik’s accident. And she could tell at a glance that these were not meant to protect in combat, an entire lack of any sense of enchantment or spell.

Eleven had wedding bands in his bag. 

He’d had them for a while.

And unless his little crush on Erik really was  _ that  _ bad-

The light caught the metal, and Jade noticed details engraved in the inside of the rings. Pulling one out, and squinting to read the words…

Yeah.

Apparently it  _ was  _ that bad. But the words written… Something wasn’t adding up.

Calmly, Jade returned the ring to the little box, shut it, and stood.

There wasn’t any reason to clean up.

Not that she now planned on confronting Eleven directly.

What need was subterfuge when brute force had always been enough for her?

“Why don’t you go help Rab after all, Serena?” Jade could feel the ice in her own voice. Good. She’d be needing it. 

“What’re you going to do?” 

Fresh air. But Rab certainly wasn’t going to be taking Erik far. Not seeing them in the village as Jade pushed back through the door… 

The Falls.

That’s where she’d bet they’d be.

“I’m going to talk to my brother.” Jade answered, leaving Serena to stare after, waiting for the inevitable blowout.

Cobblestone had been a confusing place to learn the layout to, even when compared to all the places in the world she’d seen while traveling with Rab.

There was no structure, no logic to the layout or placement of any house or building besides a sort of ‘well I don’t see why a house  _ couldn’t  _ go there, snug between the cliff and the river.’

But with righteous determination, came an unusual, if not temporary, sudden sense of direction.

Nothing was getting in her way of getting the answers she wanted. 

And soon enough-

She was right.

Even if the sight made her falter at first. 

Seeing Erik always made a sick jolt in her stomach these days.

She’d seen him beaten and bloody before, worn out and run ragged by fights and life on the run but… this was different. 

He didn’t look like himself.

Even bruised and cut to ribbons, he still always managed a lopsided grin to keep their spirits high.

To limp along and act as if it all was nothing more than a stubbed toe.

But now, there was none of that.

He was getting better, Jade had to constantly remind herself. He was getting better.

Even if he looked like this now.

Dead-tired - no,  _ bad word  _ \- exhausted to the bone, and near lifeless. Sweat beading on his brow from the simple,  _ aided,  _ walk from Amber’s to where he now half-sat, half collapsed against El, propped up on the trunk of a tree, softened by moss and ivy.

El was running his fingers through the shortest strands of hair at the base of Erik’s skull, looking down at him like there wasn’t anyone or anything else in the world.

If it were not for the sickly pallor to Erik’s skin, the stark white of the gauze peeking out from underneath the lightweight clothing…

It would almost be perfect.

It would almost be too sweet a moment to interrupt. 

But it only came to hammer down Jade’s conviction more.

Stomping past where Rab rested, he barely spared her more than a glance, focusing more on leafing through his collection of different remedies. If she stopped to actually look, she’d surely be able to pick out a few, but herbalism and magic were never her strong suits, not for lack of trying on Rab’s part.

And besides…

He knew by now when it was time to try and settle her down, and when her warpath was one that just needed to run its course. 

And this one?

He didn’t even bother with a warning.

Eleven looked up as she approached.

There were deep, bruise-like circles under his eyes.

This was why she was snooping around. Why she was so torn between fury and fear and…

It was only to be expected, spending days awake, watching over Erik for any little change, and now having given up his own bed to maintain that post… He was going to make himself sick, if he hadn’t already. 

Seeing her, Eleven could already tell something was wrong.

But he didn’t move his arm from around Erik, didn’t greet her. Just raised one finger to press over his lips, asking for quiet.

Fine. As quietly as she could, Jade sighed. “I need you to come with me.”

His head tilted to the side.  _ Why? _

Box held carefully out of his sight, Jade fought away the urge to grab her brother by the hand and drag him up.

It just wouldn’t be fair to Erik. “Please? It’s important.”

Eleven frowned, but nodded.

Jade stood back as he carefully extracted himself from Erik’s side, helping him rest easier against the tree.

Jade almost told him to stop. That Erik was fully capable of moving on his own, but… 

Erik wasn’t protesting right now, and whether that was because he truly needed the help, or that whatever Rab had given him was simply that strong didn’t matter.

Because right now, Eleven needed to prove he could be there for him. No matter what. 

And as such, Jade didn’t offer any help, herself.

And it wasn’t until Rab had moved to keep a closer eye on Erik and that Jade and Eleven were far enough away that Jade dared show her hand. 

The box. Between them. “What is this?” 

Eleven’s face fell carefully neutral as he looked at the familiar case.

“Where did you find it?” He asked.

“In your bag.” Jade answered honestly, before repeating her initial question. “What is it?”

“You- you went through my things?” His eyes darted between her face, the box in her hand, and the two behind them. 

The falls were loud, and Erik looked like he was perfectly spaced out, hearing but not listening to what Rab was saying. 

They couldn’t hear.

He looked back to Jade, but to her surprise, he didn’t look sad. He wasn’t disappointed.

He was furious.

Angry in a way she hadn’t ever seen him. Normally so calm and docile, Jade was entirely unprepared for his anger. 

“I was just-” Jade fumbled for an excuse. She’d been worried, he’d been acting oddly. She just needed some information, and he’d dodged each of her previous attempts to get him to talk. “-worried.”

“So you searched my bag?” Eleven all but snarled, taking a step closer to her. “Find what you were looking for?” He said, sarcasm heavy in his voice as he made a swipe for the rings. “Those aren’t yours to take!”

But Jade wasn’t ready to listen, to give in. “What  _ are  _ these?” She demanded. “Why do you have rings for you and Erik both? Is there something the two of you haven’t told us?”

Eleven answered not one of her questions. “They’re nothing that concerns you!” This time, he managed to wrench the box from her hands, and quickly looked inside. Both still there. As if she was going to try and make away with one of them. “Stay out of my bag.” Eleven growled, closing the lid with an echoing click, and stalking away.

Not to Erik, but away from them all.

Suddenly, Jade regretted everything. She should have listened to Serena. “Eleven, I didn’t mean-“

Eleven cut her off. “I don’t give a shit. Save it.”

“Eleven.” Jade took a step after him, shocked at the language he’d used, shocked at how he was acting, but cut off before she could even begin to apologize.

“Leave me alone.” Eleven ordered, and Jade was left alone in the clearing.

Of course, Rab was still there, Erik as well. 

But neither knew exactly what had happened. 

And Jade didn’t know where to begin.

Except…

A glance back. Erik was awake, staring at her, surely having seen the entire sorry exchange.

Something was deeply,  _ deeply  _ wrong. A horrible feeling in her gut that Jade was missing something important.

There was something that had compelled her to go snooping, something that made her want to confront Eleven.

And his reaction.

That wasn’t the response he’d have her given if he  _ was  _ planning something special, and needed her to keep quiet.

And the rings themselves… Not dirty or broken, but certainly not new. Scuffed and worn, visibly loved and yet… She had never seen them worn.

Jade let Eleven go. She could always find him later. Right now, there was someone else she could talk to,

Someone else who may have answers. Erik should have some idea, shouldn’t he? After all… his name was engraved into one of the rings, after all.

This wasn’t right.

It wasn’t right.

She shouldn’t be doing this, she  _ shouldn’t  _ be meddling in things she didn’t know about. Maybe there was nothing wrong.

Perhaps she was about to ruin a long-planned surprise.

Maybe this was all something she had just missed. Something that worried the both of them, something they thought they had to hide.

But  _ maybe…  _

Jade stopped in front of where Erik sat.

“What’s going on?” He asked, a hint of desperation clear in his tone. “Why did Eleven leave?” 

But desperation for him to come back, or to stay away… Jade was uncertain. 

It wasn’t any secret Erik was overwhelmed by them all. By Eleven a bit more than the rest.

“He… He’ll be back.” Jade said, unsure of how else to answer. She didn’t really know  _ where  _ he’d gone, or when he would come back, but he was Eleven.

He wasn’t about to vanish on them. “Can I talk to you?”

But the answer was good enough for Erik. His eyes narrowed at her. “About what?”

“About…” About what, really? Him? Eleven? There were too many questions to settle onto any one thing. “A lot.” She finished more than a little lamely, and Erik’s look went from suspicious to just blank. 

She glanced at Rab, hoping for just a little bit of help.

“Why don’t we get the lad back on home before you quiz him, eh?”  _ Home,  _ Rab had been calling Cobblestone since they’d settled down in the village to wait out Erik’s recovery.

It wasn’t weird. Or at least, it shouldn’t have been.

The old man had called every little place they’d stayed ‘home’ since Jade had first set out with him.

‘Home’ was any place safe to sleep. And Jade had adopted that idea quickly.

It made it easier, sometimes. When her real home was out of grasp.

But calling Amber’s home, Eleven’s childhood home,  _ their  _ home, Erik’s home…

Something about it just felt… Sad. “We don’t want him to overdo it.”

Talking about him as if he wasn’t there, but Erik didn’t seem to care. Or at least, didn’t let it show.

“Whatever.” He mumbled, “Not a big difference either way. One of you, give me a hand.” 

Jade helped him up with as little contact as possible, half to help maintain his sense of independence, and half for the fact she truly didn’t know how much pain he was in, and what all hurt.

It would be easier on them all if he were simply  _ honest  _ about his pain, but… 

Vulnerability was not one of his strong suits, and it would be hypocritical if Jade were to demand more transparency. 

And either way, sooner or later they would be back on their way.

Erdwin’s Lantern and Calasmos inside could wait. They would not take him on without Erik.

Not that they would even be able to. Down a capable fighter… They may stand a chance but it was a chance they were not willing to take.

The walk back went slowly, but their pace and the quiet of the village only gave Jade the time she needed to gather her thoughts, find the questions she needed to ask. 

Just as Rab leaves them at Amber’s home, she’s again stopped.

Veronica pushed past them both without a care, restored to her old height but somehow without the knowledge or understanding that with its return came the easy ability to push them over.

And Erik- well, he stays on his feet.

That’s enough for Jade to notice. Slow going or not, he was healing. 

“It’s about time the lot of you got back!” She whined, tossing herself onto a benchmark turning to glare at them both, arms crossed.

No, not the body of a child any more.

But she still pouted like one.

“I don’t know what Rab’s on about with all this  _ fresh air  _ nonsense, you’re gonna be the same whether you’re in her or if we were to cart you all the way to Gallopolis. All that’s happened now is that we’re late to change your bandages.” 

Erik looked distinctly unhappy with her announcement, and Jade felt the beginnings of a chill.

“I thought he didn’t have any open wounds?”

“I don’t.” Erik sighed.

“Then why…”

“Would you leave a sprain or muscle strain unsupported?” Veronica asked, “Or a newly healed break?” 

Got it. “No.” Jade answered though she didn’t need to. She was no healer, wasn’t privy to everything that had…  _ Broken  _ in Erik’s fall. 

And she was glad of it.

She’d seen how hard everyone else had worked just to keep him breathing those first few nights. She didn’t need to know.

And perhaps it was better for Erik, too.

That not everyone was aware. That not everyone had seen.

“Can’t I change them myself?” Erik asked, sounding all different kinds of reluctant. “You changed them just the other day, anyway. Do you really-”

One look from Veronica shut him up. “We let you try  _ once,  _ and once is all you’re getting. Did you  _ want  _ to lose circulation in your foot?”

“‘s pretty numb anyway.”

“But it won’t be forever. Unless you fuck it up more.” Veronica said, watching him fall back onto the bed with a sympathetic wince. 

Did that hurt him? How could she tell?

“And you!”

Jade jumped as Veronica turned her sights to her, “Don't just stand there like a lame duck, go find Serena! She’s still a better healer than me, and I’m probably going to need her if history fancies repeating itself.”

Erik muttered something foul under his breath, and Jade elected to ignore it. “Where is Serena?” Jade asked, only just realizing she’d gone missing, lost somewhere between this house and the falls.

“Probably off staring at an especially pretty flower, or some weirdly shaped cloud. Just track her down?

Jade didn’t groan, didn’t complain. She could get her answers when she came back, Erik a captive audience.

Or…

Maybe afterwards.

He deserved what little dignity he still had. 

She turned from the house, and scanned all the village that she could see. Lucky, that Eleven’s mum had the best vantage point in town.

But the only flash of long blonde hair she saw was that of Gemma, and with a frown, she set off to search proper.

… Even though it was to be a fruitless effort. When Serena did not want to be found, she would not be.

Trudging back up the hill, Serena nowhere to be found, Jade decided Veronica was just going to have to deal.

Only - Veronica’s voice drifted through the open window, and her words stopped Jade in her tracks.

“We don’t have much more time.” Veronica said, followed by the dragging of wooden chair legs across a stone floor. “So you’re gonna tell me the truth, now?” Done with helping him, she could guess but… Without her sister? And the truth… That- What?

“I remember.” Erik said, nothing more or less. 

“I thought so.” 

Jade bites her lip, bites back the urge to storm in and get her own answers, but knows she’ll learn more listening out here. 

“What was it like for you?” Erik asked, voice unusually somber. “Were you aware?”

“Yes.” Veronica says, “I was. I remember everything. And I think… You’re starting to remember too, aren’t you?” 


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Nothing.” Eleven bit out the word as if it pained him to say. “What’s done is done. I’m not asking for the impossible. It’s just — it’s hard. You all got to forget. I have to live with the memories that no one else has.”

Eleven could remember as clear as day the first time he climbed the Cobblestone Tor. 

He could remember how he struggled with the slimes, with the needlers. He remembered how he needed Gemma’s support, how he had relied more than once on Sandy’s sharp teeth and powerful claws to deal the final blow, before the weakling monsters dealt the same to him.

He remembered the struggle.

But now -

Slimes meant nothing. Nearly docile, in comparison with nearly any other monster. And yet, here he was. Not bloodied or bruised from the exertion, hardly even winded.

It wasn’t enough. Even vicious as some of them were, he’d faced so much  _ harder  _ in that other time… That should be a good thing. But it just made him angrier, somehow. 

He’d lost count long ago of how many of the little blue creatures he’d slashed through, one after another after another, chased down in some half-assed effort to clear away the rage that had begun to burn in his gut. 

Well… At least slimes left behind no blood to stain his clothes. 

Not so much as a single living thing left in sight, all that remained staying perfectly hidden, waiting for the danger to pass. 

And… Fair enough. 

The monsters would be back when he left, and Eleven had wasted enough time here already.

Even if he wasn’t yet prepared to return back to the village.

Not now.

Not when Jade was surely waiting for him, more questions than he had answers he was willing to give, and not when he felt like this.

Eleven never used to get angry like that. Petulant and annoyed, sure. Everyone had their off days.

But full-on, fist-shaking rage?

He could count the occasions he’d grown as such on one hand, at least… Before Yggdrasil’s fall.

So that was it.

Either way… The heat of the anger felt too good, all too welcome a heat in his belly after spending countless days entirely numb. 

The rage felt good.

And he couldn’t afford to nurture a reliance on it.

Fresh air.

He needed fresh air.

Eleven looked up the slope, then back down the way he’d came.

He wasn’t ready to face his friends again. 

Wasn’t ready to look Jade in the eye and not scream at her for-

Deep breaths.

Right.

Further up the Tor, it was. 

A climb once so difficult, even as used to manual labor as he had been as a farmer, he wasn’t prepared to have to take all his weight in his arms to scale stones, to use vines to climb sheer cliff faces, or the nerve it took to keep his back against the stone and  _ not look down  _ to the drop below.

A fall he’d thought would kill him for sure.

He’d thought right. 

The drop to the chasm below made the height that had killed Erik look like a stone’s throw. 

Not for the first time, Eleven wondered about this rite of passage. There were plenty of  _ safer  _ peaks to climb if it was really about showing the youth of Cobblestone the vastness of their world.

A vastness, that now felt choking. 

The path to the edge of the cliff was clear, and unlike the time before, it was entirely empty. Free of the fog and rain that had been present for his first trip.

His first venture into knowing the world that was his to protect. 

Green as far as he could see. Rolling over hills and stretching out towards a vast, endless sea. 

And Yggdrasil floating high above it all, safe. 

And Eleven hated Her. For his mark, for being a  _ Goddess  _ that could be smote. For falling. For living.

For giving him this burden. 

Eleven came to a stop at the edge of the cliff. Some of the grass was still blackened from that first lightning strike, yet to rot away. 

Proof that it all had really happened, and that the bits of his journey he so wished were dreams were still unfortunate reality.

But what worth was proof that he’d killed a bird? Where was the proof that Yggdrasil had fallen? The proof that he had sacrificed the life he had built for himself, the trials he had survived just to lose it all for a second chance?

Eleven wondered more if he regretted finding the Tower of Lost Time. 

Up there on the cliff, the hatred in his veins gave way for emptiness.

It didn’t matter if he regretted it all.

Because there would be no reversing this.

He could break the sphere time and time again, he could take chance after chance to make things just that little more right…

But there would be no fixing it.

There would be no recovering what he had willingly given up. 

By the mouth of the cave, Eleven sits, and stares out at the sky. 

Baby blue, wisps of clouds carried on a soft breeze. Warm, safe.

A world untouched by malice.

Yggdrasil was silent to his thoughts.

But at the very least, at this angle, he couldn’t see the monstrosity that Erdwin’s Lantern had hidden.

He was only alone for a few moments longer.

Not enough to come to terms with what he would have to confess.

The crunch of Jade’s heels over loose stone. 

Over grass and earth, and green in the corner of his eye.

Standing just within sight, watching him.

Waiting for a reaction.

One he would not give.

“Can I sit with you?” Jade’s voice was firm as it always was, but more hesitant than Eleven had ever known it.

Guilty.

There was plenty of grass. Eleven nodded, and let his sister settle in to his left.

He buried the urge to hide his hand.

For minutes, they sit together in silence, Jade finding the right way to begin, and Eleven unable to force his legs up, to carry him again into solitude.

“Will you tell me the truth?” Jade finally asks. It’s not a peace offering. It’s not even really an option.

He can tell her now, or he’ll have to fend off each one of their friends, his family.

Again and again and again until he gives in.

Just as he always does.

Sometimes… It was better to rip off the band-aid.

But Eleven wouldn’t be making the sacrifice or free. “I will.” Eleven agreed, “If you tell me what made you feel entitled to go through my things.”

Aside from the rings, there was nothing he really needed to hide. A few embarrassing items, sure. And he’d had a hell of a time explaining the mardi-garb should it be discovered, but…

It was the principle of the thing.

There was a line drawn, and Jade had kicked the sand it was in, covering it up and crossing it over.

“I can do that.” Jade didn’t show any hesitation as she agreed, staring up at the sky, and away from her brother. “But you might not be satisfied with my answer. I don’t know. I was worried. About you and Erik both, and there was just… A gut feeling that I could find something that would explain it all. I don’t know why, I don’t know what kind of thing would do that… And I guess I was wrong. I’m more confused than ever.”

The box in his pocket felt heavy.

No. She wasn’t wrong at all, if it was now about to get her those answers. 

“Okay.” He said, one word, while he gathered the rest.

It may be a moment. 

His voice had always been something that gave him trouble, vanishing even when he knew it should be right there.

It had been better, with traveling. Slowly, the block in his mind that kept him mute at the worst of times melting away with time and care.

He’d had Erik to thank for that.

Patient in the beginning, not a complaint made for his mostly silent companion, never making any note of the fact Eleven was clearly  _ capable  _ of speech, or any frustration towards the unpredictable swing of speech and speechlessness. 

It had gotten worse again after Yggdrasil’s fall.

And then better after his victory.

And now here he was again, fighting with his own mind just for simple speech. 

Though he’d been speaking with no trouble only moments before, the thought of confessing rendered him mute once more, words on his tongue, piling in his head with no where to go.

But Jade was patient.

Waiting was the least she could do, after all… This was partially her own fault.

“I can’t… I can’t face everyone at once.” Eleven said, knowing exactly what it was that kept the words from flowing. He’d stared them all down when he left, arguing why he needed to go, and he wasn’t ready to defend his choice all over again. “If I tell you, would you tell everyone else for me?”

“If that’s what you need, then that’s what I’ll do.”

“Okay… Okay.” Eleven felt his heartbeat in his throat, fear pulsing its way through each limb — but there wasn’t going back now. He’d made his choices. It was time to face their consequences. “Don’t interrupt me, please. Just… Let me talk.”

Jade nodded, and Elegen again turned his eyes to the skyline. 

He felt hers stay on him. That much was already nigh unbearable. 

He couldn’t bear any more.

“When we found Veronica… I don’t think any one of us had even considered the possibility that she could have died.”

“It was to save you all.” Veronica explained, a shrug as she stared down at her shoes. “I never  _ planned  _ for that kind of outcome, but…” She sighed, no words right for what she needed to say. “I never intended to be a martyr to the Luminary’s cause. But I couldn’t just let you all die. If there was something I could do to stop it, I would have. And… I did.”

Erik’s memory was fuzzy, and it felt so much like the remembered wisps of a dream, that he could almost believe that it was a fabricated memory, but he knew he could never have dreamed up something so horrible. 

Yggdrasil swathed in dark magic, dead leaves swirling around as Veronica’s magic sent them all to different corners of their land, time to whisper one silent goodbye before all went dark, and she crashed down with what remained of the Goddess she was born to serve.

“Why are we here?” Erik asked, holding up his left hand not to gesture at the empty house around them, but to the world in general. 

In this time, separate from the one Veronica knew, the one he could only partly recall.

Or, maybe he just meant alive at all.

But as his wrist went up, a jolt of pain shot up the tendon, from his elbow to stretch through to his fingertips. 

He winced, and Veronica rolled her eyes at his carelessness. “Dumbass.” She got up from her chair, brushed off her skirt, and moved right back to where she’d been moments before.

Taking his wrist in her hands, soft light began to envelop it, feeling like a rush of warm water over the pained skin. “Keep jerking yourself around and we’ll be stuck here even longer.”

“Just moving counts as jerking around?”

“In your case? Yes. Rest and let us do the dirty work for just a bit, and you’ll get your freedom back.”

Erik stayed silent on her advice, knowing he wasn’t going to manage to follow it. “But about Eleven?”

“We’re here because he made a choice. I saw the whole thing happen, but I couldn’t say a thing. I would’ve screamed his head off if I could, called him every name under the sun.” The magic faded, and she let go of Erik’s hand. But she didn’t let go. Just kept staring, as if there was something there.

Or something missing.

“You all won. You beat Mordegon to a bloody pulp. Brought Yggdrasil back, and the world was rebuilding. You all healed. You built  _ lives.  _ You were safe.” She trailed off, and Erik couldn’t tell if she was shaking with fury, or with grief. “And for me, he threw that all away.”

Erik stayed quiet, not sure how to respond to the declaration, to the idea that… 

All his life, he’d been stuck where others had put him. The hovel and the Vikings, downtown Heliodor and the dungeons. Even to an extent, the journey with Eleven. Even if it was the freest he had ever been, even if it was where he would have  _ chosen  _ to be, he still hadn’t any choice in the matter. 

But to know that there was something he’d managed to make for himself… 

“He found that Tower, after  _ you  _ spotted the cog… And I think the moment he touched it, there wasn’t any changing his mind.”

~~

“Did I say anything to you, before you broke the sphere?”

They all had, pleas for him to think about what he was doing. What he was giving up, that he couldn’t know for certain what would happen.

Well wishes. Words of good luck, of farewell.

False smiles and fake strength that would crumble the moment he was gone.

Had the word continued to exist.

All words burned into his memory.

Words he knew by heart. That he couldn’t ever possibly forget.

“You did. You told me you knew I wouldn’t let anything stand in my way.”

Jade knew there were things he had left out, but she got this much from pushing him to the brink.

She wouldn’t demand anything more. 

“What did Erik tell you?” She asked, and Eleven’s eyes dropped from the first star of the night, to his hands. Balled in the loose fabric of his duster.

“He… He told me that if I really was going to do that… That I had to win. I was going back to save us all. And…” 

He reached into his pocket, and pulled out the ring box. The one he’d kept hidden for so long… No need for that now. 

“He gave me his ring back. Told me to give it to him again.”

“Again?” Jade asked, but Eleven gave no response.

There was no need.

There was no alternative to her immediate assumption.

There was no reason to hide the truth.

They’d been married not long after all had settled. What reason had there been to wait? 

When they had every reason to seize the peace while they could.

While it still felt fragile.

Guilt ate away inside of him.

They’d had their happy ending. A home, a future to look forward to. Talk of growing their family and not just by one of Sandy’s puppies.

And he’d left.

He’d  _ abandoned  _ everything.

And while he knew that Erik hadn’t gone home alone, to face that future alone—

Sometimes it was hard to remember.

“Do you regret it? Was it worth it?”

His eyes burned.

How many times had he cried over that question? In the dead of night, when there were no witnesses, how many times had he asked himself that?

How many times had he found himself unable to answer?

“It was worth it.” He said, more to assure himself than to answer Jade’s question. If he said it enough, he must start to believe it eventually. “I know it was. It has to be. But…” Tears began to flow, and the truth came with them. “I haven’t regretted anything as much as I regret the time sphere.”

Jade was quiet for a moment, taking the time she needed to absorb everything she’d just learned.

She’d had ideas.

Theories.

Nothing entirely concrete, but even so… This was nothing she could ever have expected. “What can we do?”

Something they could  _ do?  _ About the time he’d destroyed? The world he’d abandoned?

No.

“Nothing.” Eleven bit out the word as if it pained him to say. “What’s done is done. I’m not asking for the impossible. It’s just — it’s hard. You all got to forget. I have to live with the memories that no one else has.”

The tears he shed were silent.

No sobbing, no hysteria.

He’d spent all he had to give. 

But when they finally dried, and Eleven wiped at his reddened eyes, Jade stood, and offered him a hand up.

It had grown dark.

Jade reached a hand down to him, and helped him back to his feet.

She didn’t speak, but she didn’t need to for Eleven to know what she was thinking about.

It was time to go back, and face whatever waited for them both.

~~

The sun had set what felt like ages ago, but the change of light had gone almost entirely unnoticed.

There was just too much else occupying his mind.

An entire life… 

And not just his own.

Rab had settled in what remained of his home, content to live out the rest of his life in quiet peace. Sylvando had reunited with his family, found his own purpose. Jade back in Heliodor with her father, Hendrik too once more where he belonged. Even Serena had found peace. 

And it was true that Veronica was gone.

Erik knew he would’ve wanted to do what was possible to change that, but…

She was one life. It was selfish to ruin their victory, to risk not only Veronica’s life all over again, but every single leaf on Yggdrasil’s boughs again just for the minuscule chance that  _ this  _ time Eleven wouldn’t be shot in the back.

_ Wait-  _

Unbidden, memories came again.

Where Eleven should have turned in time to deflect the attack, he instead saw him crumple to the earth.

Still. Injured, but not dead. 

Not a memory he should have. But more flowed through all the same, and Erik couldn’t block them out.

A ringing in his ears.

“Veronica—” Erik just scarcely managed to gasp out before the static rose once more, and the sudden pain knocked all the air from his lungs.

He knew what was happening, now.

But he wasn’t ready.

He didn’t  _ want  _ to see these old memories, he didn’t  _ want  _ to know about the life that had been ripped from his grasp.

Images flashing, one by one. 

The static took a spike, and Erik lost his grip on reality.

His teeth ground down against the agony.

The coppery taste of blood in his mouth, and the wavering of light around him. 

_ “Help.” _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Nearing the end now.

**Author's Note:**

> Healing spells or no you don’t just get up from a fall like that.  
> And you certainly don’t just walk away from seeing your own corpse on the ground.
> 
> Boys have got a way to go from here, but I promise they’ll make it!


End file.
